I've Got Wood!

I know...it sounds kinda sexual. It was meant to. Indeed, my wood pile is intact and, should we have a major power outage, we have enough that we can actually use our fire bowl in the garage if need be. I feel a wee bit prepared, but not as much as I would if we had a wood burning fireplace in the house. I didn't want to have to chop wood all winter long, so we accepted the gas fire place for now.

This, however, is not why I am writing. I had an interesting conversation with my niece last night and we were talking about what it was like for me to grow up with my mother going through menopause. It was hell. Actually, it was HELL. It also affected my romantic relationships with women later in my life. With all the verbal abuse and sometimes physical things that were done during her very trying time, I grew up with a distinct sense that I was dirt just because I was male. I was not worthy of affection, devotion or love. This set me up for some pretty strange romantic relationships wherein I was abandoned emotionally, or physically or both. It took only about 40 years for me to get out of that cycle. I actually used to get embarrassed by the fact that I would become sexually aroused with my woman. I know...too much information! But really, it has to be out there so people can learn, so I am putting it out there.

I would feel like there was shame and guilt because I found a woman desirable and had a physical response. I couldn't thoroughly enjoy oral sex because I was terrified that she might want to be aggressive and bite it off or something. When I look at how twisted up inside the experience made me, it amazes me that I have children at all! Now, after much time and excellent healing, I can proudly say, "I've got wood!" and not be ashamed or embarrassed by that. It now is erotic and sensual and sacred. This I celebrate! That is spelled with an "r" in the middle, you might have noticed!

Blessed Be
Trent
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Synchronicity

Yesterday I chose 2 cards for my guidance for the day. In the Flower Spirit Cards, I picked the Amaryllis. This flower spirit speaks to us of past hurts that have affected our sexuality and our sexual expression. Then my Osho Zen Tarot Cards revealed the card called "Innocence", which speaks of how we need to return to our innocent minds and our innocent hearts. The absolutely cool thing about these, other than that they both spoke to the same issues, was that they were both, in their respective books, on page 40.

That is what really caught my attention. When we have that kind of synchronicity, there is no doubt that we are having a moment of Divine intervention. Some would call this "coincidence", but that does not mean that it is accidental. It simply means that our path and the path of the Universe have coincided perfectly.

We all have experiences that have harmed us, especially sexual experiences. It can be anything from the result of a clumsy first time that ended with embarrassment, to an actual assault that was inflicted upon us. The thing is, we have to keep our sexuality and our love feelings pure. Religion talks a lot about love and tells us what it is supposed to look like. The problem with that is that then we don't have the pure, raw form of the emotion, thus we get that emotion all screwed up. Religion doesn't tell us how to hate properly, just that we shouldn't. But hate, like love, is completely pure in the emotional field of the human experience. If we could love in as passionate a way as we can hate, we would be much better off. Our creativity and our passion would not be hindered by the religious refinement of love, and our sexuality would also become pure and simple. We really need to discard the clutter of our religious and social upbringing and engage more with the raw, primordial self in order to truly become at one with ourselves as humans.

Blessed Be

Deerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com