Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Toe 2 Toe

I recently had someone do something to me that, in all fairness, was quite evil and manipulative. That is the polite way of saying it. I won't go into details because it isn't worth my energy or your time in reading it. But I have found that this has been an opportunity for me as much as it was a trauma. We all need to find ways of transmuting negative events into medicines. I tend to look for the opportunities in things. So instead of fighting and resisting and going toe to toe with this person, I decided to take a more passive approach that would lead to less and less resistance. This seems to have worked.

But afterwards it is very easy to go into the anger and the fear. With the help of some very special friends I was able to reinstate some protective bands in my energy system. This was wonderful and a beautiful experience and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. In the meantime though I had to also reconcile how I was going to "let go" of this event.

I know that we have all, each and every one of us, as human beings, been to some dark places in our lives. I know I have and everyone I have ever encountered has as well. Considering that I am now 49 years old, that makes a LOT of encounters. So I think that it is safe to say that we ALL have gone through some deep and dark places. Sometimes these events in our lives lead us to saying or doing things that later on we regret, but in the moment we are just being human....desperately human. I know that I would certainly not want to be judged forever on my own deep, dark and desperate moments. I would never want to be defined for the rest of my life based on those moments either. So I decided that I will not judge this person on his deep, dark and desperate moment.  Instead of harboring ill feelings, I have decided to pray for his healing and ask Spirit to also not judge him or hold him in a definition of that deep, dark desperate moment. That does not mean in any way that I will ever trust this person again as long as he lives. He has betrayed that trust and, based on what his actions were, I would be setting myself up for abuse if I ever went there. But I don't have to hold him to that definition for the rest of his life either. I know that this may sound contradictory, but I really don't think that it is. Our souls evolve as we go through life. The thing is that the evolution is not always visible to those around us. Because it is not visible, there is no way of knowing if the evolution has taken place. We are the only ones who can know that within ourselves and then, hopefully and with time, others will be able to see that as well. So no, my trust will not be placed there ever again. But no, I will also not hold him to his darkest moment either. Who knows? Perhaps that is not his darkest moment in his life or in his eyes. But is was for me. And so I release him from that and hope he will be well, even though he doesn't seem to currently be interested in being well.

I also decided to extend those prayers to ANYONE that I may have intentionally or inadvertently harmed along my life path, including myself. This way hopefully the healing ripple will go on and on and on and never stop. It has occurred to me that we may not ever know if we have harmed someone. Sometimes the intent is not there for harm, but with all the best intentions in the world the harm happens anyway. I don't like to live a life of guilt or shame, so the prayers also extend to anyone that has integrated anything negative in any way as a result of any of even my best intentions. I do believe that we are able to affect a healing ripple throughout the world with our prayers and intentions, so I also know that this will create a healing ripple as well, even for those people or moments of which I have been oblivious.

Blessed Be
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1 comment:

Kate Althouse said...

Great post, and one I find deeply resonates with me. You say: "my trust will not be placed there ever again. But no, I will also not hold him to his darkest moment either." I agree that it's not at all the contradiction it may seem. It's just living wisely by protecting oneself. The way you put it also acknowledges we have the potential to change/grow. I know I do not wish to be held by my own dark moments whether they were intentional or not. :)