The Colors of the Rainbow

This photo of lights on our back patio, taken by my friend, Gail Fulkerson, holds within it a philosophy that I have always followed. I believe that we are all one continual strand of connections and lights. Within each of us is our own unique connection to Spirit and from that connection comes our own particular color and shade of light. Like the stars of the universe, we all shine with our own vibrancy and sparkle, but are each not only connected, one to the other, but also interwoven and reaching out to fulfill that connection.

When we go off our paths of purpose, we lose our light. That which takes us off our path tends to, slowly but surely, chip away at the light that is within until we finally either get back on our path or we burn out. Unlike the lights on this string, none of us are replaceable. What we have to offer is unique and yet a part of a large pool of potential. We are much better off if we fulfill our purpose and make sure that in doing so we take the time for what is important in our lives.

That is why I work four days a week. The other three days are for my life to happen. Of course, my life happens during the four work days as well, but I feel it is important to allow myself to have time to not just get laundry done and mundane stuff like that on my days off, but to also connect with others, go for coffee and lunch, be with my children and simply relax. Money has never meant all that much to me. I am no longer succumbing to the pressure society has for me to be driven and goal oriented. I like goals. But they have their place. And if I am with my children, my goals can simply wait. I don't like being driven. When one is driven one is usually driven right over the edge. So yes I can be motivated, but I will never be driven. I am in control, not some other person or idea. My life is mine to do with as I see fit. If that doesn't look like all the other drone's lives out there, I really don't care.

My light will shine as long as I want it to, and right now I want it to shine a very long time and to light up the lives of others as much as it possibly can. My light shines with all the colors of the rainbow and it shines in my smile, my spirit, my laughter and my love. It reminds me of that song, "This Little Light of Mine". I think that there is a lot to that song. Google the lyrics if you like. I used to have to sing that song in Sunday School. At that time, I was repulsed by the whole Christian slant to it. But I have taken from it all that it means to me. No one is going to snuff out my light. I am going to let it shine all over the world. I know my light is a part of the Light of the Universe and there isn't anyone who can take that away from me.

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn

Toe 2 Toe

I recently had someone do something to me that, in all fairness, was quite evil and manipulative. That is the polite way of saying it. I won't go into details because it isn't worth my energy or your time in reading it. But I have found that this has been an opportunity for me as much as it was a trauma. We all need to find ways of transmuting negative events into medicines. I tend to look for the opportunities in things. So instead of fighting and resisting and going toe to toe with this person, I decided to take a more passive approach that would lead to less and less resistance. This seems to have worked.

But afterwards it is very easy to go into the anger and the fear. With the help of some very special friends I was able to reinstate some protective bands in my energy system. This was wonderful and a beautiful experience and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. In the meantime though I had to also reconcile how I was going to "let go" of this event.

I know that we have all, each and every one of us, as human beings, been to some dark places in our lives. I know I have and everyone I have ever encountered has as well. Considering that I am now 49 years old, that makes a LOT of encounters. So I think that it is safe to say that we ALL have gone through some deep and dark places. Sometimes these events in our lives lead us to saying or doing things that later on we regret, but in the moment we are just being human....desperately human. I know that I would certainly not want to be judged forever on my own deep, dark and desperate moments. I would never want to be defined for the rest of my life based on those moments either. So I decided that I will not judge this person on his deep, dark and desperate moment.  Instead of harboring ill feelings, I have decided to pray for his healing and ask Spirit to also not judge him or hold him in a definition of that deep, dark desperate moment. That does not mean in any way that I will ever trust this person again as long as he lives. He has betrayed that trust and, based on what his actions were, I would be setting myself up for abuse if I ever went there. But I don't have to hold him to that definition for the rest of his life either. I know that this may sound contradictory, but I really don't think that it is. Our souls evolve as we go through life. The thing is that the evolution is not always visible to those around us. Because it is not visible, there is no way of knowing if the evolution has taken place. We are the only ones who can know that within ourselves and then, hopefully and with time, others will be able to see that as well. So no, my trust will not be placed there ever again. But no, I will also not hold him to his darkest moment either. Who knows? Perhaps that is not his darkest moment in his life or in his eyes. But is was for me. And so I release him from that and hope he will be well, even though he doesn't seem to currently be interested in being well.

I also decided to extend those prayers to ANYONE that I may have intentionally or inadvertently harmed along my life path, including myself. This way hopefully the healing ripple will go on and on and on and never stop. It has occurred to me that we may not ever know if we have harmed someone. Sometimes the intent is not there for harm, but with all the best intentions in the world the harm happens anyway. I don't like to live a life of guilt or shame, so the prayers also extend to anyone that has integrated anything negative in any way as a result of any of even my best intentions. I do believe that we are able to affect a healing ripple throughout the world with our prayers and intentions, so I also know that this will create a healing ripple as well, even for those people or moments of which I have been oblivious.

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn

Sea Horse Medicine

It is a gift and a curse....Sea Horse Medicine. On the one hand it allows you to get over stereotypicl roles that you are often subjected to in Western Culture, or ANY culture for that matter. On the other hand, it means that you have now twice as much to respond to in your day. For example, in the family of origin from which I come, if there were dirty dishes in the sink my mom was the one who would wash them....until we kids could help with that. If there was a tractor that needed to be used, my dad would do that. When Sea Horse Medicine is in your energy field, it doesn't really matter what needs to be done, if you are the one who sees it then you are the one who responds to it.  I think my mother also had Sea Horse Medicine.  She is the one who taught me how to cook, clean and do laundry so that I would NEVER be "co-dependent upon any woman to take care of me on basic levels".  She was very forward thinking.  Or perhaps she thought that instead of getting yet another daughter-in-law she would have better chances of getting another son-in-law!  I don't know.  I do remember punching a guy once when, as I cleared the dinner table, he said that I would make someone a very good housewife some day.  He deserved that punch.  Sphincter muscle!

This Sea Horse Medicine has, over time, gotten me into trouble. When I see something that needs to be done and I have a moment to do it....IT JUST GETS DONE. What that does, I have discovered, is it enables others around me to sit on their butts and DO NOTHING. This is extremely frustrating when a household can only run efficiently if all the members of the household work as a team. When the other team members are being lazy asses and don't participate, then there is a HUGE imbalance in the household and the one team member who is doing EVERYTHING is gonna get tired and bitchy and eventually break.

Now I think it is important to understand that I do not have a "Martha Stewart" anal retentiveness about my home. I do, however, have a standard of cleanliness that is healthy and I don't like stuff to become grungy or cluttered. So when someone else's standards are obviously MUCH LOWER than my own, it becomes a problem. Damn that Sea Horse Medicine!

I really am the type who likes to be involved with my kids (Sea Horse), keep a tidy house (Sea Horse), do what needs to be done (Sea Horse) and still have some time to play (Sea Horse mixed with Otter). I think perhaps I need to adopt the Sea Horse mixed with Otter attitude and just stop all the cleaning and laundry and stuff that I always do and just play........ Ya.....like THAT would last more than a day or two! LOL! Perhaps in circumstances where the rest of the team is not doing their part, I should simply join a different team....hmmmm.....does that mean my mother's unconscious wish would come true???  *head shaking here* I don't know anymore!  LOL

Blessed Be
Trent Deerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn

A Time to Rest and Cleanse

A while back (January 20th) we entered the Rest and Cleansing Moon. This is one of my favorite moon phases around the medicine wheel because, in addition to my birthday falling in that moon phase, it promotes rest, cleansing, and preparation for what is to come. Is it any wonder that the Pagan holy day Imbolc is also during this moon (February 2nd....NOT stupid Groundhog Day....sheesh)?  Imbolc celebrates the first stirrings of the seeds deep inside the earth that will sprout and become vibrant plant life in the spring.   As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, this is my spa. I LOVE being able to slip into the warm water (kept at body temperature by the heater in the tub....ahhh), relax, cleanse, meditate and chant to my heart's content. This, in addition to my tanning time, is a place where it is all about ME and my needs. No one else's problems enter my spa. No one else's demands enter my spa. No one else enters my spa. This is MY TIME. Sometimes we have to be very strong in declaring "MY TIME" moments. It is way too easy to allow others needs and demands to overwhelm us. But allowing them to overwhelm us makes us that much more in need of "MY TIME".

To put it frankly...when I am in my spa..... I really don't give a shit about anything else or anyone else in the whole world. I like that.

Everyone needs moments like that. When you work in a care giving field like I do and have a partner with health issues like I do, it becomes that much more important to, now and then, at least 2-3 times a week (just sayin') not give a shit.

Today I utilized crystals in the water to charge the molecules of the water and thus of myself. It was delicious! The candle light and the incense added that deeply relaxing and spiritual touch that I was so wanting, and a visit from one of my Spirit Guide who helped me to recharge my heart and third eye chakras was greatly appreciated.

Ahhhh....

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn

Face Lift

Yes, I know. Most plastic surgeons would tell me I need one. But seriously, our bathroom needed one more! So we had a new vanity and cupboard put in and then I went to town painting it. At first, the camel color was a Tuscany yellow. Well, although on the pallet it looked great with the burgundy red, when you walked into the bathroom and turned on the light the yellow color basically fried the retinas! So we tamed it down to the camel color. That was some very expensive primer, that yellow.  It looks MARVELOUS! Both my Love and I find ourselves just going into the bathroom to just stand there and enjoy it.....frequently. And if by chance we happen to actually need to USE the bathroom, all the better because we then get to spend even more time in there! For that reason we have decided that we are going to continue this color scheme throughout the rest of the house. In comparison to the taupe/green that the former owners put in, this will certainly warm up the environment. AND when people are peeking in our front window as they pass by (and the DO do that!  Could be because someone saw me streaking around my house at some point because I DO do THAT now and then) it will have much better street appeal!

I have discovered that painting a small bathroom is not easy. I am six foot three. There are so many twists and turns and crouches and stretches involved that by the time I was done with the trim I was almost too exhausted to do the rolling! And have you ever tried to paint between a vanity top and a mirror while working behind a faucet? YIKES! I just ended up breathing, brushing and wiping whatever got on whatever it wasn't supposed to get on.  This would have been a much easier job when the room was basically empty, but I didn't have the time when the handyman was here doing the work, so I had to paint once everything was installed.

I have also learned that finding a shower curtain to match this color scheme is a bit of a task. We finally found a plastic one with all the colors in it. Fortunately it was el-cheapo and can be replaced easily if it falls apart. In the meantime, we will allow more time to all the stores to get their new stock in so that there is actually some selection when it comes to fabric washable shower curtains! Aquarians are always ahead of our time, I suppose! sigh.

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deehornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn