Since last I was able to write. December has been unusually horrible for my Love and I. That is not to say that all is not well. Things are completely improving. But in the second week of December we were both down with a nasty flu bug. This turned into pneumonia for her. Then her kidneys crashed (she received a transplant 9 years ago). So off to Emergency we went. A week later her pneumonia was better and with dialysis on a three times a week scheduling and IV antibiotics to be continued at home, she was sent home on the 20th. Then the morning of the 21st she was back in Emergency. On the evening of the 21st her pneumonia was rearing its ugly head and she crashed. She was taken to the Progressive Care Unit where she was hooked up to I think 5 IV's and receiving a blood transfusion. The next day she was sent to ICU where she was stabilized over the next week. She was possibly going to undergo an open Lung biopsy surgery, which was able to be prevented when the medications began really kicking in. All this could possibly have been prevented if her chronic cough for the last 24 months was actually dealt with when it was brought up. But apparently unless you are admitted into a hospital these things will slip through the cracks. So the medication has been killing the bug that was causing the cough, or at least that is what they are saying. Now she is out of the ICU and into a ward where she will gradually transition back to home.
Through all of this I have discovered a few things. Although St. Paul's hospital in Saskatoon is not the greatest for research and such, you cannot in any way beat the incredible staff that they have. The compassionate and discrete care that they give is absolutely sterling! It made ICU feel like a day spa. Well, except for the fact that the stay was for way too many days and it was an ICU. As well, I have discovered that when the times get really rough, I have more strength in me to help someone get through things than I ever gave myself credit for. We also have incredible friends who could spell me off in the wee hours of the morning when I, myself, was beginning to freak out and crash. Fortunately her parents, who had been down with the flu in Mexico, were able to get back last week. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to know your daughter is frighteningly ill and even if you could get back you wouldn't be allowed to see her because you are also very ill. That would simply be torture.
I have also learned a few other things that most people don't think about in situations like this. And what I have learned is from both this experience and from experiences that I have had being hospitalized numerous years ago. The patient really doesn't need any worry or concern conveyed to them. The patient actually needs love and strength. Worry and concern creates negative energy that absorbs into the patient and screws things up. And then there is also the fact that the patient ends up micromanaging the emotional mess that others are experiencing. This takes way too much energy out of the patient who needs to focus all his or her energy into actually healing themselves.
People often confuse their emotional drama with love. But there really is a difference between the two. Love becomes strong and stable when someone is in a vulnerable state. The emotional crisis gets put onto the back burner to be dealt with later and not in the patient's presence. Love does not become weepy and frightened in the face of crisis. Drama does this, but love does not. In the face of crisis there needs to be stability and strength. That is the energy that will feed the patient and help them to heal exponentially faster.
It also makes no sense to yell and scream at the gods about what a lousy job they are doing in helping your loved one. That is a useless waste of energy. Thanking them for their assistance goes a heck of a lot further. The anger is just more drama with another mask.
I have also found that courtesy goes sooooo far when dealing with medical people. In crisis situations they are so used to people freaking out on them and having to micromanage them instead of taking care of the patient. My Love would thank them for whatever they were doing, be it changing an IV or taking blood pressure readings or rubbing her back. The staff absolutely fell in love with her because she was so appreciative. She really touched their hearts. And one of them thanked me as well for all the respect and courtesy that I showed them throughout the entire thing. They are used to people trying to take charge when that is not their job at all. Support is their job. Taking charge is their control issues rearing their ugly heads. A person, patient or loved one, really needs to simply live the moment and allow the healing to take place. Trying to control how and when that healing happens is counter productive to the healing process.
There are so many other things that I have learned through this, and I will probably mention them in further blog entries, but for now, I simply need to go and be with my Love. I will write more as we go.