Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It's Not Everything
Often in marital counselling one will hear the words, "Sex isn't everything." These words of wisdom are often passed down from one generation to the next as sage advice. I actually have a slightly different view on the matter.
You see, water isn't everything either. Yet without it we could not live. Air isn't everything and get we would die within minutes without it. Exercise isn't everything and yet if we don't get some our bodies become unhealthy. So to say that anything isn't everything comes across as trite.
When we lack something in our lives, it becomes all that we can think about and everything for which we yearn. A lack of sex creates a deep soul skin hunger that drives us crazy and becomes a distraction from other things in our lives. To experience this due to lack of opportunity is easily solved in many cases. But to experience this because you are in a committed relationship in which your partner cuts you off from sexual intimacy falls into the realm of neglect and abuse. Most often the partner who is being neglected is too embarrassed to talk about it. They feel repulsive and worthless. Let's face it, if one is getting the message from the one person in the world that one is not desirable, what other conclusion is there to find? And then the betrayal of having a counsellor say, "Sex isn't everything" simply adds salt to a very deep wound as well as enables the neglectful partner to continue the neglect. It is a twisted world we live in sometimes.
Sex is holy. Sex is sacred. It is a physical expression of a deep soul connection. When we allow ourselves to reduce sex to "obligation" and "meaningless" we reduce ourselves to the same thing. My advice is that if there is anything happening in a relationship that feels like it needs to be kept a secret, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. To all those out there who have been neglected on this very basic level, I hope that you will find a way to heal it with your partner and if your partner is not willing, then my hope is that you will get out fast and find happiness elsewhere. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy of a fulfilling sexual relationship.