It's Not Everything

Often in marital counselling one will hear the words, "Sex isn't everything." These words of wisdom are often passed down from one generation to the next as sage advice. I actually have a slightly different view on the matter.

You see, water isn't everything either. Yet without it we could not live. Air isn't everything and get we would die within minutes without it. Exercise isn't everything and yet if we don't get some our bodies become unhealthy. So to say that anything isn't everything comes across as trite.

When we lack something in our lives, it becomes all that we can think about and everything for which we yearn. A lack of sex creates a deep soul skin hunger that drives us crazy and becomes a distraction from other things in our lives. To experience this due to lack of opportunity is easily solved in many cases. But to experience this because you are in a committed relationship in which your partner cuts you off from sexual intimacy falls into the realm of neglect and abuse. Most often the partner who is being neglected is too embarrassed to talk about it. They feel repulsive and worthless. Let's face it, if one is getting the message from the one person in the world that one is not desirable, what other conclusion is there to find? And then the betrayal of having a counsellor say, "Sex isn't everything" simply adds salt to a very deep wound as well as enables the neglectful partner to continue the neglect. It is a twisted world we live in sometimes.

Sex is holy. Sex is sacred. It is a physical expression of a deep soul connection. When we allow ourselves to reduce sex to "obligation" and "meaningless" we reduce ourselves to the same thing. My advice is that if there is anything happening in a relationship that feels like it needs to be kept a secret, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. To all those out there who have been neglected on this very basic level, I hope that you will find a way to heal it with your partner and if your partner is not willing, then my hope is that you will get out fast and find happiness elsewhere. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy of a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Just be Koi

On the wall above my computer I have a painting that I did about 3 years ago. It is a painting of two koi fish in a pond, looking down upon them from above. The title of the painting is "Just be Koi." I like playing with words. There is so much double meaning in the title.

I titled it that way as a reminder for myself. It reminds me to not try to be anything that I am not. Like the koi in the painting are just being themselves, so must I just be who I am. I had someone recently ask me to not do any magic in regards to a situation. I found this an interesting concept because to ask me to not do magic is like asking me to not breathe. It is a part of who I always have been. I am a magical being. I can't be a non-magical being to save my life. Yes, I have addressed this with the person, and we will see how this plays out as we go. But the concept itself has me shaking my head. So instead of just being coy about it, I have decided to address it straight up front. I think that honesty and being in the now and addressing things in the present is extremely important for any healthy relationship.

Let's face it. Who really has the time to hold onto stuff and carry it around wherever we go? That just seems way too exhausting. And I don't like the idea of weighing myself down so that I am unable to move freely or breathe. I am an Air elemental. I need to breathe and have the space to do it. So if I were to not address things right away, I would not be able to have that space to breathe because the emotional energy would be cluttered. I would also not be honoring the friendship between the other person and myself.

Always make space and always make peace whenever and wherever you can.

Blessed Be

Trent
deerhornshamanic.com