I am one who believes that it is more important to spend quality time with someone than it is to spend quantity time with someone. I have had relationships in which the other person has expected me to be constantly available 24/7/52. Talk about a way to smother an Air elemental! These relationships have usually not lasted very long. I am not into maintaining a high need person at the expense of my own well being.
So what is quality time anyway? I have learned since my separation that spending time with my daughters is the most precious time I can spend. It really doesn't matter what we do so long as we are together and talking and chatting etc. My attention goes completely onto them and the loving feelings between us. Sometimes I just want to reach out and hug them until they completely absorb into my cells. But that would be pushing it a little. Hugs, yes, absorption, no.
Today we are going to spend some time at the pool and then have a picnic lunch at the park. I am totally revved about this and can hardly wait for them to arrive. Normally I am booked with clients all day. Today I booked off. I am glad that I did.
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Friday, July 18, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Independence Day
Did you know that there is a difference between dependence and co-dependence and independence and interdependence? Hmmmm. That must depend upon a lot of stuff! Well, it does.
To be dependent upon someone is to be in a situation where you are unable to depend upon yourself. As an example, when one is convalescing one is sometimes dependent upon another to drive them to appointments or get them a cup of tea etc. Babies are dependent upon the adults around them to feed and change them and a myriad of other things as well.
Co-dependence happens when one is thinking he or she is dependent upon another, when actually being fully capable of doing what needs to be done on their own. Emotional co-dependence kills most relationships over time because one or both parties feels that the other person is responsible in some way for who they are and how they feel and what they do or don't do and so on. This throws a big wrench into someone's life. How can a person even confidently answer the phone that is ringing if that person is co-dependent upon someone else to take responsibility for it?
Independence is when one holds self-confidence within and is a capable individual who works well in th world and is able to make one's own decisions with ease. There is no panic attack involved in the decision making process and there is no looking back and wondering if the decision made back then was the right one after all.
No one can, however, exist inside a bubble. Some folks get to thinking that if they are independent then this means that they can not in any way show enough weakness to actually have to rely upon another for anything. They see that as dependent or co-dependent. Really what we are talking about here is degrees and ranges of expectations and behaviors. So we also need to be able to incorporate inter-dependence into our lives. That way it becomes more of a "team effort" with varying tasks. If we have an appointment that is going overtime, we are able to call on the other team member to pick up the kids from their soccer practice, and other assorted things.
Today I opened a couple of new bank accounts at a new bank and found that, for the first time in almost 20 years, nothing was linked to anyone other than myself. That was an amazing feeling when it comes to money matters! Talk about independence on paper!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
To be dependent upon someone is to be in a situation where you are unable to depend upon yourself. As an example, when one is convalescing one is sometimes dependent upon another to drive them to appointments or get them a cup of tea etc. Babies are dependent upon the adults around them to feed and change them and a myriad of other things as well.
Co-dependence happens when one is thinking he or she is dependent upon another, when actually being fully capable of doing what needs to be done on their own. Emotional co-dependence kills most relationships over time because one or both parties feels that the other person is responsible in some way for who they are and how they feel and what they do or don't do and so on. This throws a big wrench into someone's life. How can a person even confidently answer the phone that is ringing if that person is co-dependent upon someone else to take responsibility for it?
Independence is when one holds self-confidence within and is a capable individual who works well in th world and is able to make one's own decisions with ease. There is no panic attack involved in the decision making process and there is no looking back and wondering if the decision made back then was the right one after all.
No one can, however, exist inside a bubble. Some folks get to thinking that if they are independent then this means that they can not in any way show enough weakness to actually have to rely upon another for anything. They see that as dependent or co-dependent. Really what we are talking about here is degrees and ranges of expectations and behaviors. So we also need to be able to incorporate inter-dependence into our lives. That way it becomes more of a "team effort" with varying tasks. If we have an appointment that is going overtime, we are able to call on the other team member to pick up the kids from their soccer practice, and other assorted things.
Today I opened a couple of new bank accounts at a new bank and found that, for the first time in almost 20 years, nothing was linked to anyone other than myself. That was an amazing feeling when it comes to money matters! Talk about independence on paper!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Interruptions
I am not a guy who has ever enjoyed being interrupted while speaking. When I was a kid I had a very small and soft voice (still soft spoken but not so small!) and I was constantly being spoken over at the dinner table. This resulted in me feeling like my opinions and observations did not matter at all to anyone. After a while I unconsciously decided that I was not worthy of any form of expression. Try entering choir when you don't think you are worthy of expressing yourself!
Later on I was able to be in not only choir, but also honor choir, swing choir and international honor choir. I had a voice after all! I was still not one to volunteer an opinion, but I knew I had a voice. Then three voice trainers in a row said that my voice was unusual and that they had no idea what to do with it. At 15 years of age this translated into, "You have a crappy and uncooperative voice" so I dropped out of all choirs.
I went for years without singing, other than in the shower where, hopefully, no one could hear me. When I had my children, however, they brought out the singer in me once again. And shortly after my first was born, I learned the art of chant. This brought my voice to a maximum performance level. But having children also meant constant interruptions in conversation. I found that I would get very angry when interrupted (still do) and knew that this must mean something is unresolved. After going back in time and healing the childhood disregard that my family seemed to express in talking over me constantly, I came to realize that it is okay to get angry when interrupted. The reason for the anger is that interrupting is actually extremely rude. I have always done my best to not interrupt, and I expect that others will do the same. If they are not there, then they don't get my attention.
I will sing this at the top of my lungs!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Later on I was able to be in not only choir, but also honor choir, swing choir and international honor choir. I had a voice after all! I was still not one to volunteer an opinion, but I knew I had a voice. Then three voice trainers in a row said that my voice was unusual and that they had no idea what to do with it. At 15 years of age this translated into, "You have a crappy and uncooperative voice" so I dropped out of all choirs.
I went for years without singing, other than in the shower where, hopefully, no one could hear me. When I had my children, however, they brought out the singer in me once again. And shortly after my first was born, I learned the art of chant. This brought my voice to a maximum performance level. But having children also meant constant interruptions in conversation. I found that I would get very angry when interrupted (still do) and knew that this must mean something is unresolved. After going back in time and healing the childhood disregard that my family seemed to express in talking over me constantly, I came to realize that it is okay to get angry when interrupted. The reason for the anger is that interrupting is actually extremely rude. I have always done my best to not interrupt, and I expect that others will do the same. If they are not there, then they don't get my attention.
I will sing this at the top of my lungs!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Thursday, July 10, 2008
An Umbrella of a different Color
I have never been one to go with the standard in anything. Even though I am a regular guy in many respects, there are also times when I am not that usual at all. For example, the other day my daughters and I got drenched at the zoo as the skies opened up and dumped buckets of rain and light hail upon us. By the time we got to cover, we were literally soaked to the skin. This is when I realized that I need an umbrella to be able to walk to and from work without having a repeat of said event.
So, after a long search (it seems there was a wave of umbrella sales in the city) I finally found a store with some umbrellas. The thing is, for the first 5 minutes of hunting through their bin, all I could find was pink, light pink, and deep pink, with the occasional yellow thrown in with pink flowers or birds. Now, when did the general rule become established that umbrellas were only a feminine accessory???? I wanted black. A nice masculine color for an umbrella. What I finally found at the very bottom of the bin was a cobalt blue. That would do.
So yesterday I am walking home from work and people are looking at me like they are thinking, "Dude! Guys don't carry umbrellas!" I don't care. You see, what most folks don't realize is, for those of us with just enough testosterone in our systems to cause us to go bald (sorry, p.c. term for this is actually "follicularly challenged") the rain actually hurts when it hits the scalp with any force whatsoever. After five minutes of a "gentle" rain, a bald guy can have a migraine headache because it feels like having needles the weight of small bricks pounding on the head.
So if any of you out there should happen to see me or any other guy with an umbrella walking the streets of the city, give a honk or a shout of encouragement. And please write the umbrella manufacturers and demand more masculine colors in their dye lots. It would do me, and my brothers, a great service!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
So, after a long search (it seems there was a wave of umbrella sales in the city) I finally found a store with some umbrellas. The thing is, for the first 5 minutes of hunting through their bin, all I could find was pink, light pink, and deep pink, with the occasional yellow thrown in with pink flowers or birds. Now, when did the general rule become established that umbrellas were only a feminine accessory???? I wanted black. A nice masculine color for an umbrella. What I finally found at the very bottom of the bin was a cobalt blue. That would do.
So yesterday I am walking home from work and people are looking at me like they are thinking, "Dude! Guys don't carry umbrellas!" I don't care. You see, what most folks don't realize is, for those of us with just enough testosterone in our systems to cause us to go bald (sorry, p.c. term for this is actually "follicularly challenged") the rain actually hurts when it hits the scalp with any force whatsoever. After five minutes of a "gentle" rain, a bald guy can have a migraine headache because it feels like having needles the weight of small bricks pounding on the head.
So if any of you out there should happen to see me or any other guy with an umbrella walking the streets of the city, give a honk or a shout of encouragement. And please write the umbrella manufacturers and demand more masculine colors in their dye lots. It would do me, and my brothers, a great service!
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Obligation vs Responsibility
I so often hear people say things like, "If I didn't have to do this, then I would have time to do that, which is what I really love to do." I have always challenged this idea. People don't often realize that there is a difference between obligations and responsibilities. Obligations tend to be burdensome. Responsibilities tend to be liberating.
Let's say, for example, that I have offered to feed and walk someone's dog for the two weeks that they are away on vacation. I will certainly do that because I have obliged myself to do so. No matter what else may come up in my life, the dog will get fed and walked. This is an obligation. It is short term and at the end of the term I am free and clear to do whatever I want with the rest of the time I have on this earth. But for the two week period, I am burdened with the dog and its needs.
Now I am also a responsible person. If, for example, while this dog is in my care it should happen to get ill, I will certainly take care of it. I am able to respond to this dog's particular and specific situation. That is what responsibility is. It is the ability to respond.
When we are able to respond we become liberated. We are no longer trapped in the haze and fog of common consciousness. We are able to clearly see what is going on around us and take appropriate action in response to what we are perceiving. As we take action our world unfolds around us in the way it will, according to universal laws that state that all actions have a ripple effect. In the case of the dog, the ripple effect is the gratitude that its owners will feel knowing that, whatever was happening, their dog was cared for and not alone. Should I not respond to the sick dog, then when they come back home the ripple effect is much more negative.
When we apply these principles to every day life and relationships we find that we become more conscious of others' needs as well as of what our own needs might be. Clear communication is then possible and we are able to liberate ourselves from mundane misery and experience full joy and abundance. We then don't have to wait to do what we love to do. We do that and, while we do that, we also respond to the world around us. The thing is that we always have a choice in any situation. Even not choosing is a choice that leads somewhere. As we make our decisions, we allow ourselves to flow with the ripple effect.
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Let's say, for example, that I have offered to feed and walk someone's dog for the two weeks that they are away on vacation. I will certainly do that because I have obliged myself to do so. No matter what else may come up in my life, the dog will get fed and walked. This is an obligation. It is short term and at the end of the term I am free and clear to do whatever I want with the rest of the time I have on this earth. But for the two week period, I am burdened with the dog and its needs.
Now I am also a responsible person. If, for example, while this dog is in my care it should happen to get ill, I will certainly take care of it. I am able to respond to this dog's particular and specific situation. That is what responsibility is. It is the ability to respond.
When we are able to respond we become liberated. We are no longer trapped in the haze and fog of common consciousness. We are able to clearly see what is going on around us and take appropriate action in response to what we are perceiving. As we take action our world unfolds around us in the way it will, according to universal laws that state that all actions have a ripple effect. In the case of the dog, the ripple effect is the gratitude that its owners will feel knowing that, whatever was happening, their dog was cared for and not alone. Should I not respond to the sick dog, then when they come back home the ripple effect is much more negative.
When we apply these principles to every day life and relationships we find that we become more conscious of others' needs as well as of what our own needs might be. Clear communication is then possible and we are able to liberate ourselves from mundane misery and experience full joy and abundance. We then don't have to wait to do what we love to do. We do that and, while we do that, we also respond to the world around us. The thing is that we always have a choice in any situation. Even not choosing is a choice that leads somewhere. As we make our decisions, we allow ourselves to flow with the ripple effect.
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Friday, July 4, 2008
Settling In
It sometimes takes a little while to get used to a new space. I am experiencing this at work these days. I have moved my practice to a location at the Aquamarine Healing Center. The space is absolutely beautiful. My practice room is much smaller than what I am used to, having come from a space that was 24X26, but the smaller space creates an intensity in the energy that the larger space could not. It is also nice to see smiling faces greeting me when I arrive at work. My co-workers are the absolute best one could hope for.
Now that the move of the office is complete, I find myself in a state of slowing down and allowing all the changes of the past six months to sink in. I am glad that this part of all the changes is happening in the summer, because I like to slow down a bit in the summer anyway. I have my morning coffee on the balcony and look out over our beautiful city, and I now have a leisurely walk to work. It all feels good.
All these changes, although positive, do stir up some fears about personal capability and security. As I walk through these fears, I find myself getting stronger every day. Chogyam Trungpa said,"Through courage we do not reduce our fear, we go beyond it." Although I would really like the reduction aspect of it, I think I can live with the going beyond it aspect.
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Now that the move of the office is complete, I find myself in a state of slowing down and allowing all the changes of the past six months to sink in. I am glad that this part of all the changes is happening in the summer, because I like to slow down a bit in the summer anyway. I have my morning coffee on the balcony and look out over our beautiful city, and I now have a leisurely walk to work. It all feels good.
All these changes, although positive, do stir up some fears about personal capability and security. As I walk through these fears, I find myself getting stronger every day. Chogyam Trungpa said,"Through courage we do not reduce our fear, we go beyond it." Although I would really like the reduction aspect of it, I think I can live with the going beyond it aspect.
Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
Thursday, July 3, 2008
A Rash of Events
There are times in every one's life when we are forced to just sit and collect ourselves. This is what is currently happening to me. You see, I have a rash. It is not just a little collection of a few bumps in a specific location on the body. It is a full blown all out rash that is spreading. It started (this time) in the crook of the elbow. Now it is spreading to the wrists, has already spread to the armpits, and is across the chest and moving up the throat.
My homeopathic doctor says it is strep related. I am taking the remedy. Conventional doctors say it is an allergy to nettle. Although I do use some nettle in my work, I haven't had a rash every time I have used it, or I would be covered always.
No, this is a different kind of rash. Hot, itchy, burning and miserable to deal with. However, I am learning a lot about myself as this happens. There are times in my life when I don't want to be touched. This is one of those times because it just hurts, and the more gentle the touch, the more irritated it gets. It is like insects crawling on the skin if even the slightest breeze moves hair on my body. Energy healing makes it hot, which makes it feel worse.
So in talking to my rash it has explained that it is there because of a rash of events. My separation from my marriage, my new relationship, the selling of my acreage, moving into my new location at work, just to name a few. All of these things are very positive, yet the stress has finally caught up with me. And so, I now wear even looser and more comfortable clothing, take cold showers to cool everything off, have my homeopathic remedy, and have even resorted to using an antihistamine in order to get this under control. And I am learning to slow it all down for a bit as well. Something I tell my clients to do every day. Shaman, heal thyself! I can hear it now.
Blessed Be
Trent
My homeopathic doctor says it is strep related. I am taking the remedy. Conventional doctors say it is an allergy to nettle. Although I do use some nettle in my work, I haven't had a rash every time I have used it, or I would be covered always.
No, this is a different kind of rash. Hot, itchy, burning and miserable to deal with. However, I am learning a lot about myself as this happens. There are times in my life when I don't want to be touched. This is one of those times because it just hurts, and the more gentle the touch, the more irritated it gets. It is like insects crawling on the skin if even the slightest breeze moves hair on my body. Energy healing makes it hot, which makes it feel worse.
So in talking to my rash it has explained that it is there because of a rash of events. My separation from my marriage, my new relationship, the selling of my acreage, moving into my new location at work, just to name a few. All of these things are very positive, yet the stress has finally caught up with me. And so, I now wear even looser and more comfortable clothing, take cold showers to cool everything off, have my homeopathic remedy, and have even resorted to using an antihistamine in order to get this under control. And I am learning to slow it all down for a bit as well. Something I tell my clients to do every day. Shaman, heal thyself! I can hear it now.
Blessed Be
Trent
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