Have you ever had one of those people in your life who says things like,"We should get together for a visit/coffee/tea" etc. and then never follows through? I received an email to that effect not long ago, responded with my available times and, as per usual, have not heard back. When this happened I realized that I have somehow accumulated 3 people like that into my life in the last couple of years. This surprises me because I usually don't tolerate this sort of behavior. But they kind of snuck in.
So now what? Well, as I have had to do before to remove klingons from my robes, I will give each of them one chance out of many that they have had to step up or get out. I don't do this without actually telling them that I am doing it. That would just be one big game. But when I tell them that I am noticing a pattern in behavior and that I don't like it and won't put up with it and then make plans with them, they had better show up. Yes, emergencies can happen. But when we planned it for a month in advance and then "friends from out of town have dropped in and I need to be with them tonight" happens, then I know that my time and energy is just not important enough to let the friends from out of town know that you are busy and that they can give advance notice next time.
I think that some people just don't know how to say "no" to others. If they did, then they would be much more committed to following through with set plans and less likely to whimsically change them because some one breezes through town for an evening. But then one wonders what the relationship actually is with the ones who breeze through town? Perhaps there is something there that is actually much more enticing than what I have to offer? If so, just say so and we are good. Don't let me stand in the way of a good lay! But do be honest with me and with yourself as to why you are doing what you are doing. And then don't blow me off the next time we have a coffee date.
So that is the shaman's rant for today. Unfortunately, I may have actually done similar stuff to friends and not even known it because they were too timid to call me on it. I hope not. I do like to deal with things up front. That way we let go of all the drama!