Standing Out

The other day my daughters were with me and wanted to see the movie, "What A Girl Wants". It is a charming movie about a teenage girl who goes to England to find her biological father. He turns out to be a politician from an extremely wealthy family. For the sake of his position in society and at work, she tries to become the demure daughter that she thinks he wants her to be. Her boyfriend asks her a very important question, "Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

That is my favorite line in the movie. There were a number of excellent lines. But this one really speaks to me and to everyone who has tried to be "normal" by sacrificing who they really are. If we could all just remember the fact that we are unique and that this is something to be celebrated, not stifled, the world would be a much more authentic place in which to live.

The truth is that trying to be something that we are not never really serves anyone in any way that could be considered significant. When we become and stay authentic to who we truly are, we serve ourselves and our world in ways that are more deep and meaningful than we sometimes even hope or dream they could be. This is why I enjoy the sandbox. It grounds me and keeps me real and allows me to creatively express myself. Ever since I was a little kid I have enjoyed the sandbox. Now I have a grown up sandbox, called a Zen Garden. It is a beautiful pottery tray that my daughter made in her pottery class, with sand from Hawaii and shells and a stone from the Rockies. It has a teeny weeny rake that I can use to make patterns in the sand. I could go on and on about it, but I won't. The point is that it is part of who I authentically am. And when I am on the beach, I make the most wonderful sand castles. When I make sand castles, most of the kids on the beach end up coming up and asking if they can help me. The answer is always yes. It is amazing what one can learn from a kid while making sand castles.

As an example, I was on a holiday once and was making a sand castle on a beach by a lake when a young boy named Devin came up to me and asked if he could join in. As we were building the sand castle, he revealed to me that he was an only child, that he loved to play the guitar and drums, that his favorite color was blue like the sky, that he could see all sorts of things in the clouds if he looked at them the right way, that his mom and dad were sitting on the bench about a hundred and fifty feet away watching us, that he loved to ride his bicycle, and that he thought that the world would be a better place if there were many more flavors of ice cream from which to select. I had to agree with the ice cream philosophy. Small things like that do indeed make the world a much better place in which to live!

So I invite everyone who reads this to play in the sand. This will help you to discover many a wisdom that is right there, just waiting to be uncovered. I also invite you to build sand castles with children in your world. And while you do, listen to them. They will always surprise you with the knowledge and wisdom that they can impart, when one is able to receive.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

Father Hunger

It is not only women that end up being used by men. Men do as well. This tends to stem from a syndrome known as "Father Hunger". I have had to struggle with this through my life as well. How this works is that if a boy does not have a strong and reliable father figure (not necessarily the biological father himself) in his life at a very early age, then he unconsciously hungers for the attention of the father. Most women will understand this very well, having dated and married their own fathers. But there are very interesting twists involved in when a man feels father hunger.

For example, in my particular case, I found myself craving male friendships through my early years, teens and even into my upper twenties. My father was mostly absent, and when he was around, he tended to be raging. So with the rage, I would distance myself as much as humanly possible. This then created more absence. So then I would do almost anything to establish and maintain friendships with other guys. This put me into a precarious and powerless position. My "friends" would use me, then they would neglect me, then they would abandon me altogether and often betray my trust when it came to interacting with other guys.

Once I figured out that I was experiencing father hunger, I realized that I don't want friends who never call me to go out and do stuff. I also did not want friends who thought it was completely okay to not communicate for 2 years and then expect the friendship to just pick up where it left off. I decided to no longer be their "boy bitch" and get some self-respect.

When I made that decision, I found myself no longer taking crap from the male friends in my life. I also found that I quickly had no male friends. This no longer scared me. I knew that I was looking for a "father" and decided that life dealt me the father I had and that there was no replacing that. So then what I was looking for was solid and reliable male friends who honored me and enjoyed being with me and who would actually pick up the F@#$ing telephone and call me for a "date" to go out and do stuff together. Once I narrowed my focus, I was able to draw into my circle of friends the men who have character and conscience. I absolutely love these men. I know, that is weird to read from a man, and weirder to hear when I say those words. But it is very true. There are so many forms of love, and the real love that one man can feel for his male friend cannot be replaced with the frilly romantic stuff we tend to equate with love. It is deep and loyal and impenetrable by anything and anyone who would want to destroy it. We are comrades and I know that if push came to shove, they would stand up for me and fight if necessary, just as I would for them. I am honored to have them in my life.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

Learning the Cha Cha

My last entry seems, as I read it today, to be quite blunt. This is uncharacteristic of me. But I think that there are certain times when we need to be blunt in order to get a point across. At other times, diplomacy is the best bet.

So how do we decide when to be blunt and when to be diplomatic? I usually base it on the degree of illusion and denial that I have to cut through. I also appreciate it when my own illusions and denials are cut through by someone else's bluntness. It saves on years of therapy later in life!

I don't think that we should ever have to pussy foot around any subject matter in life. I have always appreciated when people have been forthright and honest with me. I always do my best to afford others the same courtesy. Some, however, don't want that courtesy. These folks would prefer that we indulge their fantasy realities so that they can actually coast through life in a very lazy manner, much like those who are bumped up to the next grade level in school just so that the teacher doesn't have to deal with them for yet another year. Some call it stream lining. I call it stupidity. Since when does life afford us the luxury of laziness when it comes to personal development? If we don't continually strive to improve ourselves on a daily basis, we end up in a cloud of self-deception, expecting others to totally buy into that deception in their own realities as well.

I say, "Cut the crap!" and get to the point. No fluff is needed when there are serious life lessons that are to be learned. Perhaps that is why it often feels like at 45 years of age I have already lived several lifetimes in one. I just jump in and get to the business of learning. Tonight, I jumped in and got to the business of learning the Cha Cha. This is a dance I have always enjoyed watching, but was never taught. It was scary at first, but once the foot work finally came to me, the rest seems to want to fall into place. That is the way life is. If we just pick it up at some point, the rest will unfold.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

Time Flies Like An Arrow

And Fruit Flies like a banana! These are simple truths. When we can accept the simple truths in life, our lives become much easier. My beautiful niece has been visiting over the weekend. While visiting we did a LOT of talking. My Love recommended a book titled "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. This book is a MUST HAVE handbook for every woman on the dating scene and every woman who is married and every woman who has ever had anything at all to do with any man in her life.

What women need to realize is that they have been living a fantasy for most of their realities. There really is no Cinderella fairy tale ending. Most men are just wanting to get laid. They will do anything they can do get laid and say anything that they think (or know) a woman wants to hear in order to get laid. They will not call the next day. They rarely will put any more into the relationship than they absolutely have to in order to ensure that they will still, at the end of the day, get laid. Women deserve much better than that.

He ain't pretty, he just looks that way. Women need to look for character in their men. Unfortunately, many men in Western culture have been overly indulged and therefore get away with the feeling of entitlement to whatever they want whenever they want it no matter who they may be hurting in the process. These men have not learned how to really be men. They may have man sized bodies, but they are about as mature as the common five year old. So don't hold your breath waiting for him to call, and don't let him into your bank accounts. Don't expect him to want to be with you instead of going to the football game with his buddies. And until he steps up to the plate without encouragement on your part, do not EVER make the mistake of thinking that you are important, because the simple truth is that he is "just not that into you."

Sorry to burst a bunch of bubbles out there. Read the book. You will get it...eventually.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

The Learning Curve

Last night was my first Intermediate Ballroom Dance class. The learning curve between the beginner class (20 years ago) and last night was pretty much in a vertical direction. But I hung in there and by the end of the class I could finally Rumba and Jive. Well....almost. I don't think I am actually ready for a real live dance floor yet, but it won't be long. Then the only thing that I will have to make sure of is that I am not run right off the dance floor by the much more experienced dancers.

Something I also learned last night is that it is just as important for my partner to be good at following as it is for me to be good at leading. Fortunately, my love is a great follower on the dance floor (pretty much the only place in the world where she will actually perform that function) so I really don't have to worry about what will happen when we dance together. Others....not so good at following. But then again, I am not so good at leading just yet. Once I get the routine, then I can take it away. Until that routine is embedded into my cellular memory, I am pretty much a vapour lock just waiting to happen!

And then this morning my Achilles tendon was completely flared up again.....totally bites! But by the time the drumming circle was done this evening it was feeling much better. The circle was also a blast and we had lots of fun celebrating the Full Moon in ceremony and rhythm. Thanks to all who joined in!

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

Flogged, Stoned, Crucified or Burned at the Stake

The other evening, my partner and I were watching TV and a news break came on. The announcer stated that, in light of the recent hurricanes in the U.S. we could expect oil prices to soar.

My response to this was, "Hmmm. I wonder how long the oil companies are going to take to realize that they would have a lot better Public Relations if in the wake of a disaster they actually lowered their prices in order to help out their fellow man?"

My partner's response went something like, "You know, thinking like that could get you burned at the stake! How many lifetimes will it take for you to learn?"

She knows me well. I have often been flogged, stoned, crucified or burned at the stake because I happen to be a forward thinker. But I think that it will be a looooong time before I stop thinking in forward ways in order to avoid such fates. I also think that we should all extremely limit our oil consumption in order to take the monopoly of control away from the oil companies. There are things like public transit and car pooling for a reason. Personally, I enjoy my walk to work instead of driving (especially now that the iPod is functional!) and so does my partner. We also car pool to other events, such as Ballroom Dance. Every little bit counts when it comes to gas prices that "soar". I would rather we see our spirits soar!

I also think that it would not hurt if everyone wrote a letter (not a silly list of names who agree...an actual individual letter) to the oil companies and state that we are very disappointed in their lack of compassion in the wake of major storms and extremely disgusted in the amount and extent of their greed involved in hiking gas prices yet again in response to devastation. The more paper these companies have to deal with, the more likely we will get their attention.

Blessed Be

Trent

Self-Responsibility vs Hexes

I have had a number of people over the years come to me and ask me to please remove some hex that has been placed upon them. In some instances, this was warranted, so we did it. In others....well, let's just say that some education was necessary.

First off, not every magical practitioner in the world is one who would or could cast a hex on someone or something. Most don't even have the desire, let alone the know how. What is most common is that someone is attracting negative things into their lives through the lack of self-responsibility and then projecting their misfortunes onto someone else, and unfortunately those someone else's usually end up being their local healer, witch, or shaman.

Having had people actually project that stuff onto myself, I am very suspicious when someone says that so-and-so cast a hex upon them. So I go into this situation with a very critical eye.

What most people don't understand is the insta-karma of negativity within themselves. If we hold anger or fear or hatred within our hearts we are going to attract that into our lives three fold until we let go of the anger, fear or hatred. So the first thing we need to always look at is ourselves. Let's face it, when we are pointing 1 finger at someone else, there are 4 other fingers pointing back at ourselves.

The next thing we need to look at is just how much power we are willing to give over to whomever it is that we are suspecting of casting a hex. If our energy field is strong in and of itself, then there are forces far more powerful at work for us than there are against us. So although we don't have to go around blissfully ignorant of others' maliscious intents, we certainly don't need to allow ourselves to be governed by it. We simply need to let it go and get on our way in life.

Yes, there are ways of strengthening our energy fields. This is what Energy Balancing treatments are all about. And yes, there are ways of releasing hexes, this is what ceremonial healing is partly about. The thing is to be able to discern what is actually appropriate and what is not. The less fear and hysteria we have about this subject matter, the fewer knee jerk reactions we are going to have. Thus the more harmonious our lives become. An inappropriate knee jerk reaction can actually set in motion more negative energy than any of us are prepared to handle. So before anyone accuses anyone else of this sort of hexing activity, it is ultimately important to take a good long look in the mirror and see what is necessary for our own self-healing and self-maintenance.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

I'm Baaaaack!

Well now, when last we read this blog I was actually, on the side, preparing to go to Alberta to attend a wedding and do a week's worth of work. The wedding went off without a hitch, except for the one between the bride and groom. The week of work was very productive. I am happy to work with such receptive people! And my hosts were the very best.

Now that I am back I am looking forward to my next few months of private sessions, workshops and classes. I have such a good time doing what I do and sometimes I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am to have the career that I do. Being a shaman is a way of life. Being able to do this for work is a blessing.

I am also starting ballroom dance classes with my partner on this coming Monday evening. I just bought a pair of official dance shoes. Actually, my friend, James, and I (James and his lovely other half, Judith are in the same class) went shopping for ballroom dance shoes today. That is the first thing that ballroom dance classes does to men...it makes us go shopping for shoes together in places that have an overabundance of ballet tutu's. Pink, no less! By now I am sure y'all know how I feel about pink! We found excellent Latin style shoes that look a lot sexier than they actually feel on the foot. We are assured by the lady in the store that the soft leather will stretch out and become something that fits like a glove. Now the last I knew about this a glove was worn on a hand, not a foot. But okay, we will try this out. The heal is about 2 inches, so I hope that I don't sprain an ankle on the dance floor. I do remember wearing similar styled shoes in the 17th century, but that was with white stockings and a vest that covered a frilly shirt that was scratchy on the skin. But like the shoes, the shirt looked a lot sexier than it felt so I was not in it for very long at a time. But that is another story altogether!

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com