Risk

I have discovered something about old time war and world domination....my 11 year old nephew is totally into conquering the world and my 7 year old niece is totally into being the queen and telling him where to move his men. How did I discover this? The game RISK. Now you have to understand that I am soooo not into war games. Even when I was in the military, briefly, and was very good at it, I did not like it at all. So this board game could not be too bad, right?

As it turns out, one should never, NEVER, begin a new board game at 9:30 at night. Your defences are low to begin with, everyone's voice is louder because you are tired from the 14 hour day you have already put in, and you miss the treachery that is in the minds of children in lieu of the cuteness factor they exhibit on the outside. Needless to say, I lost old Alberta and could barely hold onto South Africa and Madagascar. What is the world coming to?! I was so desperate to stay on the board that I almost declared war on my Allie! Then I remembered she was my Allie and could not, in good conscience, do that.

Isn't it funny how a board game can teach us about life? We can get totally snowed by those who look "cute" and completely compromise our better judgement. We can be blind to the hidden agendas people have because they are so pretty, or rich, or popular. We can become desperate to the point of lashing out at those who support us, and, when fatigued, we sometimes need to be reminded of who those people are before we wreck our existing relationship.

So, believe it or not, I recommend the board game, RISK. I just don't recommend that you begin to learn the game at 9:30 at night.

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn

Clean it Up!

From the time my daughters were very young, they have always been taught that if you make a mess you clean it up and don't expect someone else to do it for you or that the mess will simply magically disappear if you ignore it.  I am appalled that anyone should have such a grand sense of entitlement in this day and age that they don't take responsibility for their messes. 

Sometimes this comes in the form of people who do idiotic things like flicking their used cigarette butts out the car window as they drive down the street. Cars are built with ashtrays for a reason.  Do they care that they can start a fire or that birds and animals can choke on the foam filter when they eat them?  No.  They just flick away and have no concern for the environment or for anyone else other than their miopic selves.

Also common are those who don't take responsibility for the messes they create within relationships.  The broom and dustpan are right there, waiting to be used, and there they sit because someone thinks he or she is either too right or not skilled enough to use the tools presented!  Either one is a cop out.  There is never anything wrong with admitting that we made a mistake or even admitting that we are still learning to use the tools at hand.  Those around us will be quite patient with us if we simply admit to our inexperience and make efforts to clean it up.

So think about your life, your habits and your relationships.  Are there any areas that need a good spring cleaning?  If so, attend to it.  You will not be sorry.

Blessed Be
Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Many Strong and Beautiful Women

On the far left, you will find my Love. Next to her is my good friend Sandhya, and on the far right is a new friend, Andrea. I have found that through my life I have typically been surrounded by strong and beautiful women. This is but one example.

For me, I think it started with my mother and my grandmother. They both taught me quite a lot about life and our connection with nature. They taught me that the world itself and all of us who live here are magical. That understanding is a big part of what has made me who I am today. My sisters were some of the first feminists. They helped me to understand that gender plays no part in capability. Yes, there are differences in the general sense, but we are all capable of becoming and achieving whatever it is to which we put our minds.

Each woman who has ever been romantically connected to me has taught me more and more about relationships and matters of the heart. Every sister of every friend has taught me to one degree or another about the importance of honoring each other.

Now, this is not to say that I have not had strong and beautiful men in my life. I have. I have also found, however and unfortunately, that the truly strong and beautiful men are fewer and farther between. I like to surround myself with men of quality and integrity. But these are not aspects that are nurtured in our culture. What is nurtured is more the capitalistic mentality. This breeds competition and one-upmanship. I don't particularly like those qualities, so it takes longer for me to find men who resonate with me. They are out there, though. I have some very good male friends. These are the types of fellas who support me and my endeavors and who also kick my butt when I need it.

Really though, it has been the women in my life who have impacted me the most. I think the ones who are going to continue to do so the most are my daughters. Each one is unique unto herself and quite strong in her own way. I feel blessed and honored to have them in my life. I know that we are only vessels through which they arrive in the world and that there is no ownership of our children (something else I learned from my mother and grandmother), but I also look forward to many years of discovery as they learn and grow and become each a strong and beautiful woman.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Bridging the Gap

I am, according to Medicine Wheel philosophy, an Otter person. Otter people are gregarious and fun loving individuals who basically cannot resist sliding down the river bank into the water and having lots of hoots and hollers of glee as we do this. But as fun as we are, when we get betrayed, we tend to burn the bridges that connected us to the betrayers. Our main challenge in life is to learn when to not burn the bridge. When burning becomes an easy reflex, this challenge is not so smooth at times. The second challenge is to know when and how to bridge the gap between ourselves and those relationships that need healing. This often requires a very good sense of boundaries. We can't set ourselves up for further betrayal, but we also need to know that people can indeed change. We also need to understand that some will never change. On top of that, some who change do so incredibly slowly. When we withdraw from a relationship we need to do so in a way that is not about vengeance, but about respect. That respect is about the respect for ourselves first and for them in a secondary way.

Sound complicated? Well, believe me, it is. As we chip away at it the stones of the bridges sometimes prove denser that previously thought. And the bridges that we thought were perhaps made of strong material sometimes spontaneously combust all on their own. Go with the flow. That is the key. I find that the more I expect of myself and of others, the more frequently I get let down by myself and by others. So the more I relax and go with the flow and not inject my personal agenda into a relationship, the better off I am and the better off others are as well. This can appear, from the outside, to look like indifference and come across as being completely aloof. Really, it is the total acceptance of whatever is about to unfold. That way everyone is able to be free to simply be themselves and the gap is bridged.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

The Mystical

I know why it is that so many people don't want to know about things that are mystical. Yes, there are many of us who do want to know. This is why I write this blog and why you read it. But for many in our Western world, the mystical is a dangerous place. It freaks them out to think that there might be more to reality than what they are willing to acknowledge or live up to. The mystical aspects of reality comes with responsibility. This is simply the ability to respond. Most people don't even want to respond to all that they do see around them, let alone to what they don't yet see.

Once we do see what is there, and has always been right there in front of our sleeping eyes, we have a responsibility to live up to what is then expected of us. There is a relationship that is established between the mundane and the mystical. The two realities begin to blend and become as one. This is much like a loving relationship between two people. Both have to be "in" or it doesn't work. I think that sometimes the moment that one discovers the mystical is like the moment one first sees their true love. Granted, sometimes that relationship evolves into true love over time. But I also believe in love at first sight. That moment when your eyes first meet and there is a sudden skipping of the heart beat and your pulse begins to race and every cell and fibre of your body cries out with ecstasy and anticipation. And then you have no choice. You have to say "hello". And once the introduction is made, your life is changed.....forever.

This is not something that is all that appealing to anyone who is phobic about commitment. It does take commitment to yourself and to the mystical to create and maintain this relationship. Once that commitment is made, your life becomes enriched in ways far beyond your wildest dreams. The meaning of everything and the synergy of all and the interwoven reality of all that we encounter is available to us. We see things in a more expansive and interconnected way. The lights come on within our minds and we see, for the first time, with clarity and illumination. The Ecstasy of the Divine flows through us and nourishes every aspect of our being. Now really, who in their right mind would not want that?

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

Time Flies Like An Arrow

And Fruit Flies like a banana! These are simple truths. When we can accept the simple truths in life, our lives become much easier. My beautiful niece has been visiting over the weekend. While visiting we did a LOT of talking. My Love recommended a book titled "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. This book is a MUST HAVE handbook for every woman on the dating scene and every woman who is married and every woman who has ever had anything at all to do with any man in her life.

What women need to realize is that they have been living a fantasy for most of their realities. There really is no Cinderella fairy tale ending. Most men are just wanting to get laid. They will do anything they can do get laid and say anything that they think (or know) a woman wants to hear in order to get laid. They will not call the next day. They rarely will put any more into the relationship than they absolutely have to in order to ensure that they will still, at the end of the day, get laid. Women deserve much better than that.

He ain't pretty, he just looks that way. Women need to look for character in their men. Unfortunately, many men in Western culture have been overly indulged and therefore get away with the feeling of entitlement to whatever they want whenever they want it no matter who they may be hurting in the process. These men have not learned how to really be men. They may have man sized bodies, but they are about as mature as the common five year old. So don't hold your breath waiting for him to call, and don't let him into your bank accounts. Don't expect him to want to be with you instead of going to the football game with his buddies. And until he steps up to the plate without encouragement on your part, do not EVER make the mistake of thinking that you are important, because the simple truth is that he is "just not that into you."

Sorry to burst a bunch of bubbles out there. Read the book. You will get it...eventually.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

The Way of Wisdom

In my book Awakenings: Asian Wisdom for Every Day, I have a quote from Lao-tzu which says, "The way of wisdom: working without fighting." The picture beside it is of the sacred mountains of Huangshan, China. From the rock face there grows an absolutely beautiful tree. There is no effort in the tree's growth. It is simply there, growing out of the rock. It is not threatened by the steep slope or the surface of the rock, it simply grows. It does not fight for life, it simply does its work of growing.

Relationships can actually be that way too. It doesn't matter if we are an earth elemental, air elemental, water elemental or fire elemental. If we balance our own element (grow) and trust the element of the other (no fighting) then we are able to accomplish the way of wisdom. This is something that we sometimes struggle with, but the struggle is actually not with the other, but within ourselves.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

All things simple

I helped my mother-in-law learn how to create a pansy on paper that looked like it popped right out of the page. This was years ago before her crossing over. She had a stamp set and was creating greeting cards to send to friends. But no matter what she did to color in the pansy stamp, it continued to look flat and unappealing. So she asked me what I would do with it, considering that I am an artist.

The first thing I told her was that she needed to see the pansy with a new set of eyes. Too often we overlook the simple beauty that is right there in front of us. Then we needed to sharped the pencil crayons she was using to a fine point. We cannot use a "broad brush" when we are trying to create detail. Then we began the lesson on blending colors. The colors of a pansy are not just black center,then colored petal, then green leaf. They smoothly blend into one another, like lovers and very good friends blend into each others' lives. And in that blend there is a mixture of color that is created. Not just one or the other, but both. We then need to allow the light to shine from a particular direction, and indicate this with highlights on the petals and leaves. We always need to know the source of our light. Then we need to shadow the colors where the light is not so strong and the dark is able to exist. We always need to be conscious of our dark aspects, otherwise it will all still turn out flat. And, last but not least, we need to recognize that no matter how shaded something is, there is still light shining through, thus the leaves have to have some of the colors of the upper petals on them, indicating the light shining through the umbrella of petals and cascading a new tone onto the leaves below.

"Where did you learn this?" she asked me. Well, I have a mother and two sisters who are also artists, so some of the technical stuff comes from that. But the essence of it, the ability to see what I am looking at....that comes from my own spirit and my own desire to know and to observe and understand. My soul is fed with compassion and understanding, and the soul of all things, whether elaborate or simple, is also fed with compassion and understanding. This is the shaman's way.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

4 Rivers - Love

There are 4 Rivers that we all experience in life. The River of Inspiration, the River of Love, the River of Challenge and the River of Surprise. I spoke about Inspiration in a recent blog, but tonight I would like to speak about the River of Love.

The River of Love is a bit of a tricky one. You see, this river teaches us, through life experience, what love is, and what love is not. The people that we meet along this river may have our best interests at heart, but some may not. The thing is, whether we learn about what love truly is, or whether we learn about what love truly is not, each is an equal gift. Either way, we have valuable insights into ourselves as well as the world around us. These days there can be so many mixed messages about love. We get bombarded through the media with all kinds of stuff about what we must be in order to be accepted and loved. None of it is very accurate. What we really need to do to enhance love in our lives is to be true to who we really are inside. And we need to know that this person will grow and change as life goes on. I know that I am certainly not the man I was 20 years ago. Nor should I be. If I was, it would be a rather pathetic statement of my ability to grow and adapt. Change is inevitable. Growth is optional. Even though I still have some of the same values as I did back then, many of my views on life and love have changed, some drastically, some in more subtle ways. And along the way, I have found that those who have tried to screw me up about love and what that is are those who have needed my help more than anyone. Yes, I have learned what love is not. But they have learned more about what love is. Hopefully everyone wins in the end, even though some lessons are more painful than others.

So be true to who you are. Love will find you better if it knows who it is it's looking for. ;-)

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Sombody Move That Wall!

Today, in our process of simplifying our lives, my wife and I moved a complete dining room set out to her father's house, and brought back a simple table and chairs from his place. A fair energy exchange, considering that he was the one who built the dining set in the first place. This is part of claiming our home as our own, which has been 5 years in the making since purchasing it from her father.

Now, I have to say right up front, this did not occur without some blood, sweat and tears, and a bit of cussing along the way. You see, the table was, shall we say, a monster to get through the front door. After dismantling the screen door in sub zero weather, the sucker still would not get through. I was this close to taking the door frame off when I remembered movers helping my family move as a kid. They were trying to get a box spring mattress around a tight corner and got stuck. Somebody said, "Would someone please move this wall?" Everyone cracked up. Then I spoke up and said, "If you stand it on end, you just might make it around that corner. Soon the mattress was backed up, flipped on end, and alacazam! It made it through.

So what do I do? I turn the table upside down and try to figure out how to dismantle it. I end up phoning my father-in-law to find out what screws should be attacked first as there are a lot and it is a complicated design. He assures me that they got it in the house without having to dismantle it. I am at this point not so sure he is remembering correctly. I am in fact still thinking about taking apart the door jam as well. Then he phones me back a minute after hanging up and says, "I am sure if you stand it on end and put the feet out first then turn it, it will get through the door." A complete flashback to 1971 and the movers goes through my mind again. Why did I not just think of that when remembering it the first time? And indeed it worked!

Sometimes in life we have walls to help hold up our houses. But some walls are only there in our perceptions. Once we change the way we look at it, what we see also changes. I think it was Dr. Wayne Dyer who said that. I would agree. I think that this is also true of walls in relationships. If we change the way we perceive a person, our relationship with that person can also have opportunity to change.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Criticism vs Caring

Have you someone in your life who equates criticism with caring? If so, you are not alone. There are many folks who think that the two are synonymous. But they aren't. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and they usually do. The wise person knows that caring is expressed through encouragement and conscious effort to explore what the other person is experiencing or doing and what that does for them, regardless of what it does for us. This is not to say that if you see someone you love conducting themselves in a destructive or self-destructive manner, that you can't call them on that. In fact you need to. But if whatever they are into is harming no one, then simply explore what passion it brings forth for them.

I used to have a mother-in-law (now x-mother-in-law, and you are soon to find out why) who took it upon herself to criticize absolutely everything there was about her daughter. Her daughter was a bit of an emotional mess as a result of it. She actually felt fear of her mother more than love from her mother. It also got so that she did not feel love for her mother. Admittedly, when I was younger I was a bit intimidated by this woman. I soon got over it. I also soon got over her daughter. I learned and I moved on. This was good for me.

I find when counseling people that this is an issue that often comes up. Their mate, their parent, their "best" friend criticizes them constantly. And it isn't always up front either. Sometimes it is very subtle, yet the message of "you are not good enough, nor will you ever be" still comes through loud and clear. When they are confronted about their behavior, they will often respond with,"Oh, you are just too sensitive." Well, actually, you are probably just sensitive enough that your BS detector went way off the charts! Remember...any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and they usually do. My wife (current) drew that quote from somewhere. I don't know where, but it always stuck with me. And, admittedly, she has sometimes had opportunity to use the line on ME. Stops me in my tracks. I find that it is certainly a good reminder to moderate my own behavior as well as that of others.

So do your best to always be caring in your relationships. You don't have to dote upon the person, just be kind and show them you care. You can do that in any number of ways, each of which will leave a loving footprint on their hearts.

Blessed Be

Trent

The Masculine Revolution

Seems to me we need a Masculine Revolution. The only trouble with that is that men as a group don't tend to get organized and network as well as do women when it comes to revolutions. If the revolution has something to do with war and kicking serious butt, then yes, men are all over that. But when it comes to an actual revolution of consciousness, then men tend to preoccupy themselves with the football game and such. I'm a man. I know these things. I have been there and done that, and quite frankly, it got very boring very quickly.

So what the heck do I mean by a Masculine Revolution? Well, we are finding as men that our roles in society are changing radically and rapidly. Our roles as fathers are now not just "providers" and emotionally absent "kings of the castle", but are nurturers and caregivers. We now do things like clean bathrooms. We do these things because they need to be done, not because our wives and live in partners have nagged us to do them. We are becoming more conscious of how bloody hard our mothers worked themselves into the ground while our fathers ignored it and preoccupied themselves with the football game. Don't get me wrong, I love football. But there is a time and a place for everything. So now we no longer "help out" around the house and "babysit" our own kids. I hate it when I am with my children and someone says to me,"So you are babysitting today?" ARRRRGH!!!! I am caring for my children! I am their FATHER! That is what fathers do now days, so get on the same page and know that there is nothing (NOTHING) more important to me than my children. If I were a babysitter, I would get paid to do this stuff. Instead, I am investing my time and energy into being there for my children so that they know what a strong and gentle male is and will hopefully partner up with another strong and gentle male and not just some beer swigging redneck bloke!

In my vision of a Masculine Revolution we change from the inside and thus ripple that change to the outside world. We don't have to take up arms to perform this revolution. We do need to take up a new awareness of what it is to be male. We won't have anything to "prove" about being male. We will grow confidence and self-trust from within. We will have integrity and not be pushed about by society's expectations that we live up to some stereotype role of a male.

A true warrior is someone who will make 40,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for his children over the course of 12 years or until they know how to do it for themselves. For some children this learning curve comes way before 12. For some....well it may be a bit after that, but hopefully not much. A true warrior is present and accountable in his child's life, not absent and aloof. He is there to help his child to learn what it truly is to be a responsible person. That means taking the consequences as well as the praise. Learning how to personally grow is an important part of anyone's life. A true warrior teaches other warriors how to walk through life with love and peace and connection to the world around him. He teaches this to his sons and to his daughters. His sons will learn how to show respect to elders and to their wives and lovers. His daughters will be confident and capable of corporate work, or mothering (the most challenging job she will ever have) or both. There will be open hearts, full hearts, strong hearts and clear hearts involved in every interaction.

I will probably blog more on this, so do stay tuned. Just know that for now, the revolution is happening and it is silent in sound, but thunderous in effect.

Blessed Be

Trent

Pretenders

Have you ever met a pretender? This is someone who likes to be seen as being one way when in actuality they are something different altogether. I know I have met a few in my life. These are usually the ones who will also try to diminish those of us who are authentically on our path and doing our work in self discovery and healing. Sometimes it is not easy to spot a pretender until you are so far in that backing away is, in and of itself, a major challenge.

But the pretenders are here for a reason (I think). I have found myself to gain great strength each time I have had an encounter with one of these folks. Yes, the lesson is difficult and often painful, but as I move on from it I find that I become stronger within and have the ability to spot other pretenders a lot faster next time. Then these ones wonder why the heck I keep my distance. Well, once one becomes more "real" I have great joy in spending time with them. But until then, I don't want to waste my time or energy trying to be their friend. And, with Otter medicine within me, I find that if you fool me once, shame on you, but if you fool me twice, shame on me. So as harmonious as I am, I also have the ability to discern who is healthy and who is not. Pretenders are not healthy. That does not mean that they can't get healthy. It just means that right now they are not.

Living together and existing together is an art form. Sometimes we can over work a painting and wreck it before it had a chance. Sometimes a paint won't mix properly with the consistency of a different color. Then the texture of the paint and the color of the paint all seem kind of wonky. The same goes for human relationships. Know when the mix is a good one and don't even apply the poor mix to your canvas!

Blessed Be

Trent