Thursday, November 5, 2009
Every Time I See Your Face...
This photo is from this last Halloween. I actually had three costumes for Halloween this year. This is unusual for me. For the day at work I went as a Gypsy fortune teller, expressing my family ties to the Gypsy line. For the drumming circle I went as a cave man, thus expressing my primordial self. For the evening of handing out candy to kids and the Halloween party that my Love and I put on, we went as Cowboy and Indian. I did not include the beautiful Indian on my arm in this photo, because for this entry I needed a close up. But trust me when I say that she was the most beautiful Indian! We had considered switching roles, but we couldn't find me a feather large enough for....uhem....coverage. So I went as the cowboy.
What struck me in the photo was how much my face looks like my dad's. Even the expression on it is like he would have. He never had a moustache, to my knowledge, but even with it I look like him. If our relationship had been better than it was, I would be complimented by the observation. It is weird how we can sometimes look so much like someone in our families with whom we didn't really have anything else in common.
I had an opportunity, however, this Halloween, during a simple ceremony for the dead, to embrace some healing between my dad and I. Initially it was a ceremony to help my sister, who died the next day, to cross over peacefully. As it turns out, the ceremony was not just for her. Rarely is a ceremony with only one purpose! As she was able to see how people change on the other side of the Veil, I was able to see how my dad had also changed in the last few years on the other side. It was good to see. I still don't wish to share any future lives with him, but at least I can find some comfort in the fact that he is finally evolving on a spiritual level.
I see his face every time I look in the mirror. Perhaps that is why he had been so hard on me...because he saw his own wounded inner child every time he looked at me. Instead of nurturing, well, let's just say he chose not to nurture very often. Now I have to show some nurturing for my own adult male. I remind myself of him so much at times that it freaks me out inside. But I have to nurture that part of me, for it is in my blood and I can't get it out. So making it a friend instead of an enemy is my task on a daily basis. Lately this task has been going much better. It would seem that once you pick up a task at any point at all in the process, then the rest can more easily fall into place. That is a good thing, considering every time I see his face!