Thursday, July 23, 2009
Bridging the Gap
I am, according to Medicine Wheel philosophy, an Otter person. Otter people are gregarious and fun loving individuals who basically cannot resist sliding down the river bank into the water and having lots of hoots and hollers of glee as we do this. But as fun as we are, when we get betrayed, we tend to burn the bridges that connected us to the betrayers. Our main challenge in life is to learn when to not burn the bridge. When burning becomes an easy reflex, this challenge is not so smooth at times. The second challenge is to know when and how to bridge the gap between ourselves and those relationships that need healing. This often requires a very good sense of boundaries. We can't set ourselves up for further betrayal, but we also need to know that people can indeed change. We also need to understand that some will never change. On top of that, some who change do so incredibly slowly. When we withdraw from a relationship we need to do so in a way that is not about vengeance, but about respect. That respect is about the respect for ourselves first and for them in a secondary way.
Sound complicated? Well, believe me, it is. As we chip away at it the stones of the bridges sometimes prove denser that previously thought. And the bridges that we thought were perhaps made of strong material sometimes spontaneously combust all on their own. Go with the flow. That is the key. I find that the more I expect of myself and of others, the more frequently I get let down by myself and by others. So the more I relax and go with the flow and not inject my personal agenda into a relationship, the better off I am and the better off others are as well. This can appear, from the outside, to look like indifference and come across as being completely aloof. Really, it is the total acceptance of whatever is about to unfold. That way everyone is able to be free to simply be themselves and the gap is bridged.