Peeking

When I was a kid, I used to do a lot of peeking around corners. I was extremely shy and wanted to know when the coast was clear for me to proceed to my destination. It was a way to keep me safe and my privacy intact. I liked it. Sometimes someone would catch a glimpse of me and invite me to join them. This was okay so long as I liked that person. If I did not like them, then I would disappear around the corner and by the time they would reach the corner to find me I was long gone.

My father liked to utilize this game of mine. He would ask me to discretely observe people who would come over. It may have been a neighbour, a friend or even a business acquaintance. When I was little I thought it was a cool game. Then I realized that afterwards he would always question/grill me on my observations. It wasn't very long before I would not play the game anymore because I knew he was trying to get me to utilize my other senses as well. Observation is one thing, psychically spying on another is something else entirely. As a young boy I got that. Why, as an adult, he did not is beyond me. From then on I was extremely cautious about utilizing any of my abilities for his benefit. He was angry about that, but could do nothing to change it.
Many years later, when he was on his death bed, he wanted me to heal him. He was already with one foot out the door and had been long gone from me emotionally anyway, so I did a bit of energy healing to help him be comfortable, but explained to him that I was not going to attempt to save his life. That was going to be between him and whatever Deity he was into. He got hostile angry so I left. The next I saw him was in his casket a few days later. At least he hopefully found some peace.

People have asked me, when I have shared this story, if I ever feel guilt about not trying to save him? The answer is no, I do not and will never feel guilt about that when there are so many more constructive things upon which to apply guilt. I am not one who gets wrapped up in the drama of trying to save a person who is on their death bed. I find it much more compassionate to help them to be comfortable and reassure them that their next journey will be a good and exciting one. We all drop our physical robes at some point in time. For some it is a sudden process. For others it is a long, drawn out and painful one. Why would I ever want to make them endure more pain? We treat our dogs better than we do our people when it comes to letting them go and allowing them to die with dignity.

I do hope that when it is my time to go, everyone around me will cheer me on for that. I don't want people sobbing and asking God to spare my life if it is time for me to go home. I had a future life journey once to a culture in which I am going to live and in that lifetime I was a teacher of some very gifted young children. I had a swack of my own, but loved to teach them all. When my life was complete I was a very old man who knew it was time for me to move on. I was helped into a stand up tube, said goodbye to my loved ones and then gave the signal to the operator of the controls. My body was, which the flick of a switch, evaporated. No fuss, no muss. I was simply liberated from my physical body and my soul was allowed to instantly move on into the Light of Spirit. It was beautiful.

As I had a peek at that lifetime, I was reminded of how, as a child in this lifetime, I would peek around corners. But this was different. I was peeking into the future. I look forward to that lifetime. It is not that this one is exceptionally bad or anything. In fact I quite love my life this time around. I have simply always been one who looks to the future and looks forward to the adventure. Oh, and I am also not so painfully shy anymore. Still shy, but not so bad.

Blessed Be
Trent
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Just Hold Me

There is so much homophobia in our world. So much so that it makes grown men turn little boys away when they need comfort and love. They feel that in order to give that it will make them gay or something. Yet when you look at soldiers in battle and the terror that they all experience, they are always able to hold each other in their arms and comfort their brothers in arms. What a contradiction.

I remember a friend of mine who had just gone through a break up with his girlfriend being devastated. He came to my home and was in uncontrollable tears. I wanted to cry for him as well, but instead all I could do was take him into my arms and hold him tight. He sobbed his heart out and I just held him and made myself be strong for him. I whispered to him that although it was really shitty right now and it felt like he was gonna die, it was going to be okay and I would help him through it. We sat up all night drinking coffee and talking about his relationship with her, the good parts and the crummy parts, and when the sun rose he laid his head on my lap on the sofa and fell into a deep healing sleep. A few hours and a wicked kink in my neck later, he woke up, cried a bit more, and then got himself ready to go to work. He was so grateful that I had simply held him. He felt a bit embarrassed about having fallen apart, but he was glad that he instinctively knew where he needed to go to have someone help him through his crisis.

I have never had a man do that for me. I think it would have been nice if someone had, but no one has ever had the courage to do that. I hope now that I will never need that, because there just might not be anyone there to catch me when I am falling. But if fall I must, I will have to trust that I will either learn to fly or find a soft and comforting place to land.

Hold you sons. Hold your brothers. Hold your fathers. Hold your husbands. Hold your lovers. He might be a guy, but he needs to be held just as much as anyone else. Holding him won't make either one of you gay if you are also a man. From the time we are born till the time we die, no matter how long a period of time there is between the two, we all need to be held. It is a basic human need. Allow it to become fulfilled.

Blessings

Trent
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Dad

When you are very young you look up to your dad. Literally, he is much taller and bigger, like a giant. Sometimes that giant is friendly and sometimes more removed. The lucky ones have one that is not an angry giant most of the time. The not so lucky ones learn skills in coping with the anger from someone who is physically huge in comparison.

I have wanted most in my life to be the friendly giant in my children's lives. There have, admittedly, been moments when that has not happened. I have worked hard at helping my children to know safety in my presence so that they always will know that in tough times they can turn to me.

I have been that little kid looking up at the giant and being unsure as to whether or not it was safe to proceed. I have not ever wanted my kids to feel that way. I have also been the giant looking down at those wee little people with the big, trusting eyes and experiencing the melting of my heart in a way that can never truly be adequately described. I have always been aware that, one day in the distant future, these are the people who will, hopefully, care for me in my old age. I truly hope that they will care, otherwise I will not have done a very good job of being a dad.

When we can allow our relationships with our children flow and develop as they need the relationship to develop, we become the adaptable parent. We can let go of our strict roles and allow ourselves to simply be present to them and for them. That way the love is always there and the respect grows with that love. Then, hopefully, when the time comes that they really need our help, they will naturally turn to us.

Blessed Be
Trent
http://www.youtube.com/trentdeerhorn
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Compassion

This is the highest form of love. In order to develop compassion, we must have deep, well fed roots. We can't chop ourselves off from our roots or we lose our foundation and the ability to receive nurturing. We also need to have equal amounts of sun and rain in our lives. That way we are able to understand others around us. We can celebrate when the sun shines upon them and we can comfort them when the rain pours down. Our stems must be secure but also protected by thorns when need be. That way no one can take advantage of us or approach us with anything other than respect. We have to see the potential in ourselves and others as we bud forth and develop new skills in our lives. We also need to appreciate our own beauty and share that from within with everyone around us. When our time comes, we need to gracefully allow the petals to fall to the earth and the cycle of life to continue.

Like the rose, as we do these things we emit a fragrance in the energy system that is there for all to enjoy. It is not exclusive to just one person or another. It is free for all. That is the compassionate heart fragrance and it is beautiful!

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Love Day

Valentine's Day. A celebration of Love. I remember being told, "It's just a day like any other, so let's just skip it, shall we?". I was devastated. I had been told the same about an anniversary. It just came across as harsh and uncaring. Any wonder this relationship didn't last?

I know that Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, but really. Why not celebrate Love, no matter who initiated it? And there are so many forms of love that can be celebrated. The love of a parent for a child and vise verse, the love of a husband and wife, or one partner for another, the love of two deeply connected friends, the list can go on.

I find that the highest form of love is that of compassion. It is like the scent of a beautiful flower; available to all, no matter who or where they are. Love really doesn't discern between who "should" have it and who "should not" receive it. It simply is, and it heals all.

Blessed Be

Trent

The Fabric of Our Existence

Sometimes we lose track of what is really important in our lives. We get so busy that we simply forget to take stock in the things we value most. For me, it is my daughters, my Love, and me. What I learned, however, upon becoming a parent over 13 years ago, is that I can care about everyone else just as much as I want, but if I don't care about myself then I risk destroying it all or losing it all anyway.

Once I realized that those whom I care about the most needed me there was an instant shift in my consciousness. It happened automatically one day. My first born was about a month old and I was having a bit of a difficult day. The night before was sleepless with a baby crying with colic and the morning was harrowing with helping people who were grieving the loss of a child of their own. In the afternoon I encountered a client who, by nature, was abrasive. She decided that this was the day to insult me. Before I even thought the words they came out of my mouth something to the effect of, "You might think that you can treat me this way, but I am here to tell you that you cannot treat the father of my child this way. You are now fired as a client. Get out." There was a lot of backtracking on her part, to no avail. I have made sure to not ever see her again.

What came out of this for me was a realization that fatherhood had changed something in me. I knew people were depending upon me to be there for them, but if I allowed anyone to treat me miserably it would chip away at me till there was nothing left for my family. This would not do.

I encourage everyone to find the hook. The hook is that thing inside that allows you to stick up for yourself and allows you to demand dignity and respect from those who are not showing it. This is also something that allows us to understand things from others' perspectives. Every challenge that I have personally experienced has allowed me to develop more compassion and understanding for others and what they may be going through. Sometimes showing respect can be as simple as allowing someone their space, or not getting in their face to help them fix things when they are feeling bad about something and needing to simply feel it. It can be as much what we don't do as it is what we do. The wisdom comes when we know which it is that is needed in the moment. For that, we need to follow our hearts and understand the fabric of our own existence.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

The Things We Cannot Change

"Knowing what we can do nothing about and accepting it as our destiny, this is supreme virtue." Liou Kia-hway.

I find that when we accept the things we cannot change we create within ourselves a moment of decompression. When we allow ourselves to simply decompress we let go of loads of stress and tension in our bodies. Emotionally we may have a wee bit of a breakdown with lots of tears involved, but this is actually a good thing, as it honours the water element within us. Water is meant to flow, not become stagnant. Thus tears can flow and laughter can ripple.

There are many things in life that we cannot change. We can respond to these things begrudgingly, or we can respond with grace. Which one we respond with demonstrates how much trust we actually have in the Universe, in our particular form of Deity, and most of all in ourselves. We really are forced to let go of our control issues.

All by itself, with no help at all from any of us, the flower will bloom. We can enjoy the process without killing the flower trying to force the blossom open. And once it blooms, the fragrance it gives off is indiscriminately shared with all. This is akin to the compassion we experience for ourselves and others as we let go of control and embrace the grace of acceptance. Compassion is indeed the highest form of love that exists.

Blessed Be

Trent

www.deerhornshamanic.com

The Rose

"Our task must be to free ourselves from our prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." Albert Einstein.

One of my spiritual teachers once used the analogy of the Rose to explain compassion to me. I was having a very difficult time trying to feel loving toward those who were mean to me or to others. I would actually feel satisfaction when they in turn would then feel pain with some later event. When one of the bullies in high school lost his mother to illness, I felt it served him right. No compassion there whatsoever. But I also felt bad that I felt that way.

My teacher said to me that compassion is the highest form of love that exists. It is like a rose that grows in the moist soil. The seed needs to have the right amount of sun and rain in order to gestate and take root. Then it needs opportunity to grow up through the soil without being picked off as a weed. This is why the rose has thorns. It is a matter of self-protection. With the right amount of sun and rain, the leaves grow and the buds form. When the rose blooms it is magnificent to see and attracts all who see it. But the scent of the rose is the fullest expression of love, like compassion. It is not contained. It blows with the wind and is free to all who are in the general area.

At first I completely got the thorn thing. That is what I had to grow just to be able to tolerate the existence of the bully in my life. Then I realized that the sun and rain were about the good days and the bad days. Tears help us to grow, just as the rain helps the rose to grow. Too much sun and it gets scorched. Too much rain and it experiences root rot. I also then realized that through life experience we can realize that there is a difference between something looking beautiful and actually being beautiful. There are many that we encounter in life who look amazingly beautiful, but are severely damaged inside to the point of actually being hideous to be around for any length of time. We can love the physical aspects of someone, but that is just not enough for the duration of a lasting love. Then we experience those around us, like my teacher, who is like the scent of the rose. Love exudes around them and embraces all into its fold. They feed those around them with compassion and understanding. They see beyond the behaviors of people and into the human condition that motivates certain behaviors. With their insights and understandings, they are able to gently love even the most vile of individuals, and those individuals actually shift their consciousness as a result.

I hope that one day I will grow enough to be like my teacher was. In the meantime, I have learned to have compassion, even for that bully who lost his mom, and that there is no way of really comparing pain. Each person has their story and each person has their pain. Pain is pain. One person's pain is no bigger or smaller, more or less traumatic, or more or less important than any other person's. This is something that I have had to teach some whom I work with on healing pain because they think that they should not be feeling the way they do because there are so many others in the world who have so much more pain. Hogwash! Pain is pain. And the method of healing it is the same across the board. Compassion.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Strength and Kindness

"A kind man is a strong man. But a strong man is not necessarily a kind man." Confuscious.

In many ways I do agree with this statement. Some of the strongest people I know are also the kindest people I know. But there have also been some very strong folks who are cold and hard and unkind. I prefer to hang out with the former and leave the latter behind.

Someone said to me the other day that I am one of the most compassionate people she knows and this is why she feels completely safe with me when doing healing work. My compassion has apparently helped her to build a level of trust within herself and with me. I feel honored that she feels this way. And I fully intend to live up to that. In a world where it is difficult to sometimes trust members of one's own family, it is very nice to find trust within and around us.

Deer is one of my power animals. It is the one that brings trust and gentleness into any situation. This wonderful animal has gently molded me into a caring person. Considering some of the dysfunction that I grew up with, I could easily have become cold and hard in my heart. But Deer would not have that. And neither would some of the most wonderful people that I have known. Each and every one of them has taught me more each day about the capacity of a loving heart to share the love and heal the hurts. I hope that I will be able to pass this on to my children and to anyone I encounter in life. The more love we experience and ripple forth into the world, the more peace and harmony there will be.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

Lunar Eclipse

The other night was a Lunar Eclipse. This one did something quite strange. The shadow of the earth seemed to come in from the left and then, instead of leaving on the right, went upward, creating a "horned moon". The horned moon to the ancients was an ultimate symbol of the Goddess energies. The Goddess is often depicted with a crown that has a crescent moon on its side, with the points going upward, much like the horns on a cow. This is also partly why cows and goats have been associated with witchcraft. That and the fact that it was usually women who tended to them.

But herds of animals have another commonality with the Goddess consciousness and the female psyche. The Goddess consciousness has a lot to do with the mass consciousness. You won't find many groups of men in one location who are communicating from the heart center. But this is a common factor in many groups of women. Why is this? Well, the Goddess consciousness connects all and binds all. It is the essence of Love. So it becomes safe to open up and to really connect when there is the Light of Love shining upon you. This is also known as herd consciousness. This is different from mob mentality, which can be very destructive. With herd consciousness each member of the herd looks out for all others and knows they are also having their backs covered in return.

The horned moon just may have been a signal to all of humanity to begin, once again, the process of honoring the group consciousness and putting aside individual agendas. This is, after all, the best way to achieve balance and harmony. Mix into that soup of consciousness the spice of compassion and suddenly we could experience an entire new way of being in the world!

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com

All things simple

I helped my mother-in-law learn how to create a pansy on paper that looked like it popped right out of the page. This was years ago before her crossing over. She had a stamp set and was creating greeting cards to send to friends. But no matter what she did to color in the pansy stamp, it continued to look flat and unappealing. So she asked me what I would do with it, considering that I am an artist.

The first thing I told her was that she needed to see the pansy with a new set of eyes. Too often we overlook the simple beauty that is right there in front of us. Then we needed to sharped the pencil crayons she was using to a fine point. We cannot use a "broad brush" when we are trying to create detail. Then we began the lesson on blending colors. The colors of a pansy are not just black center,then colored petal, then green leaf. They smoothly blend into one another, like lovers and very good friends blend into each others' lives. And in that blend there is a mixture of color that is created. Not just one or the other, but both. We then need to allow the light to shine from a particular direction, and indicate this with highlights on the petals and leaves. We always need to know the source of our light. Then we need to shadow the colors where the light is not so strong and the dark is able to exist. We always need to be conscious of our dark aspects, otherwise it will all still turn out flat. And, last but not least, we need to recognize that no matter how shaded something is, there is still light shining through, thus the leaves have to have some of the colors of the upper petals on them, indicating the light shining through the umbrella of petals and cascading a new tone onto the leaves below.

"Where did you learn this?" she asked me. Well, I have a mother and two sisters who are also artists, so some of the technical stuff comes from that. But the essence of it, the ability to see what I am looking at....that comes from my own spirit and my own desire to know and to observe and understand. My soul is fed with compassion and understanding, and the soul of all things, whether elaborate or simple, is also fed with compassion and understanding. This is the shaman's way.

Blessed Be

Trent
www.deerhornshamanic.com