Saturday, September 18, 2010
Just Hold Me
There is so much homophobia in our world. So much so that it makes grown men turn little boys away when they need comfort and love. They feel that in order to give that it will make them gay or something. Yet when you look at soldiers in battle and the terror that they all experience, they are always able to hold each other in their arms and comfort their brothers in arms. What a contradiction.
I remember a friend of mine who had just gone through a break up with his girlfriend being devastated. He came to my home and was in uncontrollable tears. I wanted to cry for him as well, but instead all I could do was take him into my arms and hold him tight. He sobbed his heart out and I just held him and made myself be strong for him. I whispered to him that although it was really shitty right now and it felt like he was gonna die, it was going to be okay and I would help him through it. We sat up all night drinking coffee and talking about his relationship with her, the good parts and the crummy parts, and when the sun rose he laid his head on my lap on the sofa and fell into a deep healing sleep. A few hours and a wicked kink in my neck later, he woke up, cried a bit more, and then got himself ready to go to work. He was so grateful that I had simply held him. He felt a bit embarrassed about having fallen apart, but he was glad that he instinctively knew where he needed to go to have someone help him through his crisis.
I have never had a man do that for me. I think it would have been nice if someone had, but no one has ever had the courage to do that. I hope now that I will never need that, because there just might not be anyone there to catch me when I am falling. But if fall I must, I will have to trust that I will either learn to fly or find a soft and comforting place to land.
Hold you sons. Hold your brothers. Hold your fathers. Hold your husbands. Hold your lovers. He might be a guy, but he needs to be held just as much as anyone else. Holding him won't make either one of you gay if you are also a man. From the time we are born till the time we die, no matter how long a period of time there is between the two, we all need to be held. It is a basic human need. Allow it to become fulfilled.